If you're here because you clicked a link on an e-mail, it was because I received from you or one of your friends a certain piece of spam. Normally I just delete the stuff, but there's one piece of spam in particular that really gets my goat. It's one that is forwarded by a friend or acquaintance, offering money, products and trips in exchange for helping with a beta test of somebody's new e-mail tracking software.
Every time I get this piece of ludicrous junk I feel compelled to answer it with a plea for common sense. What follows is my final statement on the subject, compiled from various responses that I have sent out over the last two years (titled "Let's Just Rob Bill Gates At Gunpoint" and "Killing the Easter Bunny").
So excuse me while I roll up my sleeves, because I feel a rant coming on, and I'm not up to sparing the feelings of senders or recipients, past, present or
future. If you're thin-skinned, don't take the sarcastic tone personally. It just seemed to fit the moment.
Also, for those interested in history, following the rant is a documentation of different versions of the spam under scrutiny.
1/7/05
True to my earlier prediction, this nastly little thing turns up every two years to torment people. According to the hits I've been getting on this page, it's baaaa-aack! Actually, it's been circulating since Fall of last year (2004) - I've just been ignoring it. You won't find any updates on the current version of the spam, however, because all of my friends now know better than to forward it to me. Just wanted to let you know. See you in 2006!
9/10/2002
Perhaps a little levity would get the point across: The Forwarder's 12 Step Program.
6/10/2002
Well dear friends, it's been two years since my e-mail box was darkened with news of Bill Gates' largesse. But as you will see when you examine the documents below, like political campaign season, this turns up about once
every two years. And naturally, this time your Mr. Gates is even more generous than before!
Read the whole painful history by scrolling down or cut your losses and jump right to the latest in the hall of shame.
All--
I hate to be the bearer of bad tidings, but this is an urban legend. There are a number of reasons why I know this, depending on the version of the too-good-to-be true e-mail you forwarded to me.
Walt Disney never had any sons. He had two daughters. Any men in the Magic Kingdom with the last name of Disney are descendants of Walt's brother, who was the businessman of the two (can I help it if I've read two biographies of Walt?).
Bill Gates, the genius of Microsoft, sent out this mail himself? And in the process, he didn't even use his own spell and grammar checker?
This is one of what is actually an entire family of "Benevolent Corporation" e-mails promising you everything from Nike shoes to M & M's, all if you simply forward one piece of e-mail to everyone you know.
If this was actually true, don't you think word of this would be plastered all over the media?
Urban Legends about million/billionaires sharing their wealth with us less-fortunate have been around ever since there was an America -- probably even b
efore. There wa
s a television show in the fifties called The Millionaire, about a rich man who changed people's lives by giving them money. And there was a real millionaire who until recently dribbled out small amounts of cash to people via a newspaper column, making Solomonic judgments on each individual case as he accepted or denied their plea. It was quite entertaining.
The first time I saw this particular item, it was offering m
oney and a free trip to Disneyland because Bill Gates and Walt Disney, Jr. were collaborating on this cool new Internet e-mail tracking software. In subsequent versions, the amount of money went up, and someone added the line that they "called Microsoft (and/or Disney) my damn self and it's true!" I have to admit that it made for a rather charming embellishment. But it still didn't make it the truth.
This piece is filled with the trappings of an urban legend:
"I got this from a friend-of-a-friend"
Details that can't stand up to close scrutiny (If the amount of $4543.23 sounds suspicious, it should -- it's simply a run up and down the top row of number keys by the left hand).
The kind of a payoff that would make a pyramid scheme magnate green with envy.
It also has two warning signs unique to e-mail:
"Pass-it-on-or-perish"
"I swear on a stack of notarized pages of the Bible ten
feet high that
it's true, it's true, it's true, really."
Sorry to kill the Easter Bunny, folks, but this e-mail is the product of someone who wants to torment us all but isn't up to the challenge of writing a decent computer virus. So he does it the old fashioned way; by starting the high-tech equivalent of a chain letter.
"But what if it turns out to be true?"
If it is, then you've all got a reason to be REALLY
worried. Why? Because this e-mail shows how willing people are to cast aside one of their most basic and important freedoms... the right to privacy... for less than $5000.
Think about it. If this was the real deal, there are a number of reasons for us to be downright alarmed about such an Orwellian proposition as e-mail tracking software. That makes whatever offer -- however "generous" -- a spoonful of sugar to make some really bitter medicine go down.
If I came up to you and offered you $5000 to read your mail for the rest of your life, would you do it? "But they're not reading your e-mail, they're tracking it!" Okay. For the same amount, would you let me look at all the envelopes and packages you get every day? Even if you're still nodding your head and salivating at the prospect, you have to admit something -- that there is going to come a day when your almost-five-grand is gone and I'm still showing up to check your mail. Bet it's not long after that before the bloom was off t
he rose.
Your beloved President and Commander in Chief has shown us, courtesy of Kenneth Starr and his friends, that e-mail is forever. Let me repeat that in boldface for those of you with vision problems: e-mail is forever. You might hit the delete key, you might even reformat your hard drive. But somewhere out there there is stored a series of aligned electrons about your eBay Precious Moments auction bid, your theory that Mark David Chapman was really aiming at Yoko, your true feelings about your boss, or perhaps even your feelings on something or someone that you wouldn't want your family to know about. And if Walt Disney or Microsoft or Intel or AOL knows where it's been... then they know where to get a copy. How hard can that be if the Federal Government can do it?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but aren't a lot of you the same folks who are crying for Microsoft to be carved up like a Christmas Goose because it's so big and omnipresent? Or sweating bullets over the recent AOL merger? You'd like to see them done in and broken up... but hey, they're handing out cash. What are you thinking? "Imagine the protest signs five grand would buy..."
Aren't some of you also the folks who hate cookies because they're an infringement on your privacy? Yet you're willing to give the most demonized billionaire of all time the right to watch your e-mail as it comes and goes?
Never mind the staggering technical requirements such a tracing system would require. I can almost see a future where your lights dim whenever you hit the send button.
I could easily go on but I won't. Suffice it to say that this particular piece of spam really really *REALLY* ticks me off. I guess it's because I take the freedoms this country offers us seriously, and I find it alarming that some people show such a willingness to put those freedoms on the block for a price that is shockingly, disgustingly and laughably low.
Yours for at least a modicum of common sense,
Joe "no fun at parties" Faust
Note: Spelling and punctuation errors have been left intact in all versions in order to illustrate either that a) the people who wrote this were only semi-literate, or b), Bill Gates is semi-literate AND never uses his own spell checker.
This is actually the third version I've seen, but is probably one of the earliest. I number this 1a, because its appeal is the same, but along with money it adds a free copy of Windows98 to the mix and claims the technology was seen on Business Week to add legitimacy. Looking at the many stacked up forwarding addresses, I see that this version cut a nice swath through New Zealand before getting to me. The initial comments were added by different forwarders, and have been left in to add to the ambiance.
Subject: Fwd: [Fwd: Fw: FW: This is for real! Keep it going!!!]
I usually hate and ignore this stuff, but the thought of taking $1000.00 from Bill sucked me in.
This is a real thing it is not a chain letter - it is research marketing for Microsoft (you know Bill Gates). Please forward this along to ten other people.
This was on Business Week this Sunday believe it.Hi everyone, I have just received this message & seems on the up and up. if you read below you will see the note from Bill Gates & Management at Microsoft. Basically if this message reache 1,000 people, everyone will receive $1000
.00 + a windows 98 package. See the note below - its worth it!!!! Everyone is to resend to 10 individuals.This is real.Please read and forward to as many friends as possible...I've checked this out and it's not a BS chain letter or something...Microsoft is giving away Win98 & $$$ if this reaches1,000 people...duplicate entries don't count, though...So,please help & pass on...thanx here you go!!!
BILL GATES MESSAGE
Hello Everyone, and thank you for signing up for my Beta E-mail Tracking Application or (BETA) for short. My name is Bill Gates.Here at Microsoft we have just compiled an e-mail tracing program that tracks everyone to whom this message is forwarded to. It does this through an unique IP (Internet Protocol) address log book database. We are experimenting with this and need your help. Forward this to everyone you know and if it reaches 1000 people, everyone on the list will receive $1000 and a copy of Windows98 at my expense.Enjoy.Note: Duplicate entries will not be counted. You will be notified by e-mail with further instructions once this e-mail has reached 1000 people. Windows98 will not be shipped until it has been released to the general public.
Your friend,
>Bill Gates & The Microsoft Development Team.
Let's go to Disney World!
Apparently this is true and worth a shot!!!
Folks, I called Disney my damn self. It's no lie. GET IT DONE! You all owe me.
Disney message & $5,000.00
If you read below you will see the note from Walt Disney Jr. & Management at Disney World. Basically if this messages reaches 13,000 people, everyone will receive $5,000.00 or a free, all expenses paid, trip to Disney World in anytime during the summer of 1999.
See the note below - its worth it!!!!
Everyone is to resend to 15 individuals. Please read and forward to as many friends as possible...we've checked up on this and this is no joke of a chain letter or something if this reaches 13,000 people... duplicate entries don't count, though...So, please help & pass on... thank you, and here you go!!!
WALT DISNEY JR.
GREETING
Hello Disney fans, And thank you for signing up for Bill Gates' Beta E-mail Tracking. My name is Walt Disney Jr.
Here at Disney we are working with Microsoft which has just compiled an e-mail tracing program that tracks everyone to whom this message is forwarded to. It does this through an unique IP (Internet Protocol) address log book database. We are experimenting with this and need your help. Forward this to everyone you know and if it reaches 13,000 people, 1,300 of the people = on the List will receive $5,000, and the rest will receive a free trip for two to Disney World for one week during the summer of 1999 at our expense. Enjoy.
Note: Duplicate entries will not be counted. You will be notified by e-mail with further instructions once this e-mail has reached 13,000 people.
Your friends,
Walt Disney Jr., Disney, Bill Gates, & The Microsoft Development Team.
This one was particularly interesting because it contained someone's e-mail address as confirmation. The results of my attempt at this follow the text of the spam. Again, comments made by forwarders precede the body of the text for added flavor, and a couple of names have been deleted. And of course the quote from Ferris Bueller just adds to the verisimilitude of the piece.
Yeah, right.
Notice here how the name Microsoft slips back in, even though AOL and Intel are the principals here. This makes me wonder if there is an intermediate version where Microsoft is giving away the escalating amounts of money.
I know I could use the money! Can't hurt! Good Luck!
Don't know if it works, probably not, but what the hey.....took 30 seconds......P.S. Guess we'll all find out..... :)
"Life moves pretty fast.....If you don't stop and look around once in a while....You could miss it....." Ferris Bueller
I know I know.. we all get these and never get a thing. I'm gambling on this..money for baby...
I am game for it. The guy I went to school with said he got a check what the heck!
I normally do not send these kinds of messages but... I can always use some extra money. Take care.
My Mom sent this, and it came from a lawyer in her company. What the heck!! If I become rich, I'll buy you all drinks!! I never do these things - but this came from one of our attorneys - so how bad could it be?!
Fwd: Try it !:
Subject: Fw: This works. I just got a check]]]
PLEEEEEEASE READ* I HATE THESE TOO, BUT THIS ONE SOUNDS A LITTTTLE MORE LEGIT. * TAKE A MIN AND READ *
Subject: FW: Fwd: FW: FW: real money
I'm an attorney, and I know the law. This thing is for real. Rest assured AOL and Intel will follow through with their promises for fear of facing an multim
illion dollar class action suit similar to the one filed by Pepsico against General Electric not too long ago. I'll be damned if we're all going to help them out with their e-mail beta test without getting a little something for our time. My brother's girlfriend got in on this a few months ago. When I went to visit him for the Baylor/UT game she showed me her check. It was for the sum of $4,324.44 and was stamped "Paid In Full". Like I said before, I know the law, and this is for real. If you don't believe me you can e-mail her at jpiltman@baylor.edu. She's eager to answer any questions you guys might have.
Thanks, <snip> I know I'm already in.
<snip> wrote: If you don't do this, you must be really, really dumb.
From: <snip> This is not a joke. I am forwarding this because the person who sent it to me is a good friend and does not send me junk. Intel and AOL are now discussing a merger which would make them the largest Internet company and in an effort make sure that AOL remains the most widely used program, Intel and AOL are running an e-mail beta test. When you forward this e-mail to friends, Intel can and will track it (if you are a Microsoft Windows user)for a two week time period. For every person that you forward this e-mail to, Microsoft will pay you $203.15, for every person that you sent it to that forwards it on, Microsoft will pay you $156.29 and for every third person that receives it, you will be paid $17.65 Within two weeks,Intel will contact you for your address and then send you a check. I thought this was a scam myself, but a friend of my good friend's Aunt Patricia, who works at Intel actually got a check for $4,543.23 by forwarding this e-mail. Try it, what have you got to lose????
In the name of research, I sent an e-mail to the "confirmation address" given in the text of this letter. It was no surprise to get the following as a response:
The original message was received at Thu, 2 Mar 2000 22:39:41 -0500 (EST) from akron-216-196-25-187.raex.com [216.196.25.187]
----- The following addresses had permanent fatal errors -----
jpiltman@baylor.edu
----- Transcript of session follows -----
... while talking to baylor.ccis.baylor.edu.:
<<<RCPT To:<jpiltman@baylor.edu>
<<<550 5.1.1 unknown or illegal user: jpiltman@baylor.edu
550 <jpiltman@baylor.edu>... User unknown
Reporting-MTA: dns; ra.raex.com
Received-From-MTA: DNS; akron-216-196-25-187.raex.com
Arrival-Date: Thu, 2 Mar 2000 22:39:41 -0500 (EST)
Final-Recipient:
RFC822; jpiltman@baylor.edu
Action: failed
Status: 5.1.1
Remote-MTA: DNS; baylor.ccis.baylor.edu
Diagnostic-Code: SMTP; 550 5.1.1 unknown or illegal user: jpiltman@baylor.edu
Last-Attempt-Date: Thu, 2 Mar 2000 22:43:46 -0500 (EST)
The version here seems to be of foreign origin. Some of the syntax isn't quite right, and British English spelling is used throughout. Most interesting is the expression Chinu!, which apparently is of Japanese or Chinese origin. At least that's what a two-minute (more time than this deserved) Google search indicated. Characterize this one by the record amount of money being given away. $24k is a lot more appealing than $5k to out-of-work dotcom execs.
FWD: what do ya have to lose?
What do you have to lose?
Subject: THIS IS NOT JUNK LETTER. BILL GATES IS SHARING HIS FORTUNE.
Dear Friends,
Please do not take this for a junk letter. Bill Gates is sharing his fortune. If you ignore this you will repent later. Microsoft and AOL are now the largest Internet companies and in an effort to make sure that Internet Explorer remains the most widely used program, Microsoft and AOL are running an e-mail beta test.
When you forward this e-mail to friends, Microsoft can and will track it (if you are a Microsoft Windows user) for a two week time period. For every person that you forward this e-mail to, Microsoft will pay you $245.00, for every person that you sent it to that forwards it o
n, Microsoft will pay you $243.00 and for every third person that receives it, you will be paid $241.00. Within two weeks, Microsoft will contact you for your address and then send you a cheque.
Regards.
TESTIMONIAL
Chinu! I thought this was a scam myself, but two weeks after receiving this e-mail and forwarding it on, Microsoft contacted me for my address and within days, I received a cheque for US$24,800.00.
You need to respond before the beta testing is over. If anyone canafford this Bill Gates is the man. It's all marketing expense to him. Please forward this to as many people as possible. You are bound to get at least US$10,000.00.
The Urban Legend Combat Kit gives you canned responses to all the different e-spams in this family and then some. Their specific response to the entire family of giveaway spams can be found here.
The Inboxer Rebellion pages deal with all kinds of annoying e-mails. Their take on the Bill Gates giveaway mutations is found here.
The Scambusters site covers all sorts of Internet shenanigans. They have interesting information on Urban Legends and other goings-on.
Snopes.com is an excellent site that documents all kinds of Urban Legends.
Finally, a resident wag at Tourbus combined all of the Urban Legend e-mails into one convenient piece of literature.
I will NOT get bad luck, lose my friends, or lose my mailing lists if I DON'T forward an email!
I will NOT hear any music or see a taco dog, if I do forward an e-mail.
Bill Gates is NOT going to send me money, Victoria Secret doesn't know anything about a gift certificate they're supposed to send me.
Ford will NOT give me a 50% discount even if I forward my e-mail to more than 50 people!
I will NEVER receive gift certificates, coupons, or freebies from Coca Cola, Cracker Barrel, Old Navy, or anyone else if I send an e-mail to 10 people.
I will NEVER see a pop-up window if I forward an e-mail ... NEVER --NEVER!!
There is NO SUCH THING as an e-mail tracking program, and I am not STUPID enough to think that someone will send me $100 for forwarding an e-mail to 10 or more people!
There is NO kid with cancer through the Make-a-Wish program in England collecting anything! He did when he was 7 years old. He is now cancer free and 35 years old and DOESN'T WANT ANY MORE POST CARDS, or GET-WELL CARDS.
The government does not have a bill in Congress called 901B (or whatever they named it this week) that, if passed, will enable them to charge us 5 cents for every e-mail we send.
There will be NO cool dancing, singing, waving, colorful flowers, characters, or program that I will receive immediately after I forward an e-mail. NONE, ZIP, ZERO, NADA!!
The American Red Cross will NOT donate 50 cents to certain individual dying of some never-heard-of disease for every e-mail address I send this to. The American Red Cross RECEIVES donations.
And finally,
I WILL NOT let others guilt me into sending things by telling me I am not their friend or that I don't believe in Jesus Christ. If God wants to send me a message, I believe the bushes in my yard will burn before He picks up a PC to pass it on!
