I figure at least one of these will be right and that I will be hailed as a genius once All Is Revealed...
10) On a previously unexplored part of the island, the Statue of Liberty is found half-buried in the sand amid cries of "Damn you all to hell!"
9) One of the women wakes up in her bedroom at home and there is a man in the shower. He says his name is Bobby Ewing, and that she's just waking up from a bad dream.
8) The conspiracy becomes so dense that it implodes into a singularity. Television sets all over the world suddenly implode.
7) Man, I can't believe you haven't figured this out yet! The clue was there since the first season on 2obscure4U.com!
6) It doesn't matter because it turns out that Thomas Pynchon has been writing the show the whole time. Thomas Pynchon!
5) Everyone is rescued and they go to a small restaurant to celebrate. Someone orders onion rings. "Don't Start Believing" come on the juke box. A man goes into the bathroom. The screen goes black.
4) The island turns out to be an exhibit of humans in an alien zoo. No wait, that's the ending of the new Stephen King book. No wait, that's the plot of the Simpson's movie. No, that's from Slaughterhouse Five...
3) A shocking discovery is made: there are seven other people also on the island, and they have been waiting to be rescued since 1964.
2) We never learn the secret because the episode will be pre-empted by Obama's 1,245th press conference.
1) Actually, all will be revealed in Lost: The Motion Picture, due in theaters May, 2013!
After seeing James Cameron's
Avatar, I have decided that it is impossible to give it just one overall rating as a movie. There are too many different aspects of it, including the groundbreaking effects. Films like this often turn out to be like the joke about the talking dog - who cares that what the dog said didn't make any sense? - because people end up salivating over one aspect of it, in this case, the visual effects. So here's my take on the components of Avatar.
World Building: A+The most impressive since
2001: A Space Odyssey (the first talking dog movie).
Use of 3D: AOnly one or two 3D Cliches, the rest was a very natural integration that made the world very immersive. One problem: before the film was a preview for a trashy 3D knockoff involving pirahanas that will likely set 3D back 20 years.
Acting: BSigorney Weaver and Wes Studi are always welcome. Rockwell would have been a better Sam for the lead. Zoe Seldana was great, but I'm distressed by the Oscar buzz she's getting. If she bags a nomination, then the Motion Picture Academy owes Andy Sirkis a written apology.
Writing: CIt's James Cameron, so you don't expect Shakespeare. But hey, even George Lucas was at one time smart enough to turn the writing reins over to Lawrence Kasdan. Cameron continues to need a writing partner.
Plot: C-Dances with Wolves meets
Aliens in CG Blue. No surprises anywhere. I even called the last shot of the movie.
Alien Culture: DAs impressive visually as the film was, and as much as had gone into the technology to make the film and the thought behind the planet itself, the aliens deserved better than a dog's breakfast of stuff lifted from Native American and African cultures.
Music Score: D-If Cameron really wanted something original and alien sounding, he should have worked Horner a little harder instead of settling for moments of New Age Wood Flute. See "Alien Culture".
Political Agenda: FCameron just bought himself another best picture nomination.
Unobtainium: FThe first time this was mentioned, I leaned over and asked my daughter, who had seen the film, if that was a joke. She said "No" and I almost got up and walked out of the theater. Total buzz kill.
Overall: I think it's worth seeing, and I'm glad I went and popped extra for the funky pair of glasses. This is not going to be the same when it comes out on your TV set, and it won't be the same as 2D in the second run theater (or for those of you in Japan). It's like
Star Wars (which I hated at the time and still don't care for) - a landmark that demands to be seen on a big screen.
EXTRA POINTSI Have Reservations About: 1) Avatar merchandise under the Christmas tree. 2) The Alien Culture becoming a neo-religion... you read it here first.
One Question: Was
Roger Dean given a special thank-you in the end credits for inspiration for some of the visuals?
DIY Special Effects: If you see it in 3D, wear your glasses into the lobby and look eye-to-eye at someone else with the glasses on. Then close one eye. Thank me later. (
H/T: Stephen Hughes.)
When the last decade ended, all of my Last.fm friends fired up their iPods and word processors to turn in their lists of the 21 best albums of the 21st Century. I wanted to do this too, so I fired up the Quantum Computer to do a peek ahead and determine what 21 albums truly would typify humanity's musical efforts over the next century. Here are the results.
2001 - 2010Illinois - Sufjan Stevens. The second album of Stevens' "50 States Project" (which we know now turned into the "53 States and Two Planets Project").
The Hazards of Love - Decemberists. We must not ignore this recording, which became the basis of the Margaretist religion in 2076.
2011 - 2020Who Cares? - The Who. After Daltrey's unfortunate demise in The London Catastrophe, Pete soldiers on with Pino Palladino, Zack Starr and Fee Weybill on vocals – proving that The Who was always about Pete anyway.
The Best of Dial-A-Tune (Volume 4). Being able to compose your own music on your cell phone and share it globally brought about the second collapse of the music industry. This volume is the most representative of why music should have been left to professionals.
2021 - 2030Borg - Moby. After having the BioPort Implant in his brain, Richard Melville Hall had merely to jack in and think to create new music. This is the best of the 51 albums he created this decade.
Star Wars, Episode 7: The Wrath of Han - Soundtrack. While people complained that this score was derivative of the previous six, most folks were glad to see Lucas back in the director's chair - although they're doubtful he can finish the third trilogy before his 100th birthday.
2031 - 20404nick8 - StripHop. Rap and hip hop stripped melody from music, and StripHop stripped out everything else that remained. That music these kids listen to – it's just noise. Literally.
The White Album - The Beatles. Once again, remastering the album in the DCI (Direct Cranial Inject) format brings out nuances that every other format in history somehow missed.
2041 - 2050The Lyrical World of Walt Disney - Walt Disney. After finally having been thawed out and reanimated, Uncle Walt proves that he still has the power to touch the heart.
Wind Howls of the Martian Prairie - (Field Recording). Where the whole planetary ambient noise movement began.
2051 - 2060Hammers and Boxes Being Thrown Down Stairs - Hammers and Boxes Being Thrown Down Stairs. Includes the evergreen hits
6th Floor of the Des Moines Public Library and
TransmegaCorp Parking Garage, Eugene, OR (8th floor remix).
(Still) Stoned - Keith Richard. More rock and roll from the last surviving member of the Rolling Stones.
2061 - 2070Wizards: The Centennial Hits Collection - The Who. The 1,348th compilation from the seminal 20th century band.
Songs From World War IV (Soundtrack) - Ken Burns, Jr. Another reason why the '40's were the decade of nostalgia.
2071 - 2080Star Trek: The Musical - Soundtrack. The dazzling songs and score, as composed by the Andrew Lloyd Webber v. Stephen Sondheim Intralinear Emulator.
Device 227-1-A - Device 227-1-A. A landmark! The first all-machine recording, released by the first all-machine music distribution service.
2081 - 2090The Long, Long, Long Note (Volume XXVII) - Brian Eno. In the latest of his posthumous releases, the eccentric musician surprised everyone by adding a second note during the seventh hour of this recording.
Superluminary - Michael Jackson. Supposedly the last of his archived recordings, this was a huge bestseller. In fact, it sold so well that three more crates of tapes were found after this topped the decade's Quantum Being list.
2091 - 3000Second Contact - Z!pf^!. While some accused this album of being a novelty of noise, the creatures from
51 Pegasi transcended their first album, which consisted of Frank Zappa covers.
1001 Strings Play the Hits of Frank Sinatra - 1001 Strings. The history of popular music begins all over again.
Bonus (#21) Hymns of Allegiance - Our Cyborg Masters. By law, this album must be on this list.
