I’m posting this at the left-handed behest of a friend of mine. It’s a dream I had, but it was no doubt triggered by a dream he had about me, in which I was married to Nicole Kidman¹. He told me that Ms. Kidman was much nicer than he expected, and I told him of course she was – she was married to me after having had Tom Cruise, after all.

Anyway, no doubt filled with confidence because of my celebrity marriage, I somehow got up on the stage at the Al Gore Awareness Concert Live Earth and interrupted Mr. Gore while he was speechifying. I told him I wanted to ask him my Three Questions that I want every Global Warming Alarmist to answer.

To my surprise, he agreed. But as I asked the first question, he started dodging the answers, which only made me think of more questions. So the end result was like Monty Python’s Spanish Inquisition sketch²: “Okay, now I have SIX questions.”

Incidentally, I really do have Three Questions for the Alarmists to answer. They are:

1) If man and modern technology are causing Global Warming, then what caused the temperature rise through the 14th century that made England warm enough to cultivate grapes?

2) If man and modern technology are causing the Earth to warm up, what is causing Mars to warm up at roughly the same rate?

3) If man-made Global Warming is scientifically verifiable, why are growing numbers of its supporters calling for censure or punishment for their peers who are skeptical of our guilt ( e.g., the Weather Channel exec who wants to revoke the AMS Certification of doubters, or RFK Jr.’s statement that skepics are traitors)?

In the dream they were funnier. So were Gore’s answers.

Listening: “Torch” – Soft Cell (Memorabilia – The Singles)

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1. I certainly do get around in other people’s dreams. Early in our marriage, my wife dreamed that I ran off with Elizabeth Taylor. Not to mention the one I had about Meg Ryan.
2. Quite possibly the funniest piece of sketch comedy ever written. I laugh every time I see it. For another piece of Python genius that always gets me, here’s their World Hide and Seek Championship sketch. And here’s a bit of brilliance from SCTV that you literally will not see on TV due to music licensing issues.